At first Roderich had been sure that whoever had sent Ivan Braginski's folder over to him had merely made a filing error--but apparently he did have legitimate reason to go see the annoying patient. The man had contracted something, and Roderich, much to his own chagrin, had no idea what it was.

He strode into Ivan's room, flipping through the folder and the latest notes on the man's chart, which he'd retrieved from outside of the doorway. Some of the listed symptoms made sense--chest pain and shortness of breath were easily explained away by his still-healing rib fractures, and erectile dysfunction was a possible side effect of one of the medications he was on (He had to wonder how said dysfunction was even discovered in a hospital setting, but he knew it'd be better not to question that too much.) The blood in his urine and stool, on the other hand, as well as the shivering and parasthesia that spoke of circulation problems...the former was definitely not the result of drugs, and the latter were distinct enough from dizziness to suggest that something more complex was going on in that area, too.

Well, he'd paninvestigram this, he supposed. He mentally apologized to the lab techs as he jotted down requests for tests, stepping over to Ivan's bedside.

"Hello," he said. "I'm going to need a stool sample and a urine sample, if you don't mind."

He held out two small plastic containers to Ivan expectantly, already mildly annoyed with this whole situation.

Aha~ Just the person he wanted to see. Dr Roderich edelstein. Ivan was plotting to have fun with him, and the must surprising part was that it wasn't even his idea in the first place. No, the plan came from that sly patient, Gilbert, and... The other one. The chirpy brunette. What's-his-name.

Wait, what did that man ask for? A stoool sample, how disgusting... How was he to get around this? Silently accepting the plastic containers he slunk out of the room and into the public toilet, not the one in his room, specially equipped to help patients such as him onto the toilet. He glanced around to make sure nobody was watching (Especially Matthew, he didn't want to make Matthew upset if he knew what he was doing) and rolled in.

There was a boy in there - That one with Leukemia? No, this one was blond... So Ivan wheeled up to him. "You, boy, shit in this for me," He commanded. He was met with weak protests and advanced on the boy until he agreed reluctantly. Oh godd~ Ivan liked it when people did what he wanted.

Now for the urine sample... Ivan hung around for a few minutes after the boy had fled the room and someone else came in. A doctor this time. Ivan knew this one. He was rather wimpy when he was around Ivan... Which was good for Ivan because a few minutes later, he got a jar of what must be more alcoholic urine than him. Because everyone knew that all doctors drank and smoked like wild fire or something...

Well, now that he'd aquired what he wanted, Ivan headed back to his room. "Got them, Doctor. Have fun analysing my shit! Now if you'll excuse me, I think I shall go test to see if the erectile problem is still there." And with that, he rolled away.

(( Told you I'd get it to you within the week! (: ))

Roderich arched an eyebrow as Ivan slunk out of the room but let him go. Heck, maybe the bathroom in Ivan's room was filthy and he didn't want to use it. Roderich didn't much feel like looking in there were that the case--a nurse would surely do something about it soon enough. So long as he got his samples, he was fine with the situation.

"Thank you," he said stiffly, and quickly removed himself from the room.

It took about a day for the first batch of tests to come in--he still had to wait on many of the cultures, of course, but he sat down and looked them over anyhow to see what he could make of them. The results had been negative for his most likely suspicions, including E. coli and a number of other infectious agents with the capability of attacking multiple sites...but, oddly enough, the urine had turned out positive for small amounts of HSV-2.

Roderich blinked at that. He checked the information at the top of the page--yes, that was Ivan's sample, all right. But that didn't make any sense. Ivan had genital herpes? Well, there were rare cases in which it could become involved in the spinal region and cause parasthesia, but that was typically accompanied by urinary retention and some manner of rash. Surely the nurses would have noticed the latter.

There was the matter of a small note about the alcohol content of the urine, too. Since when had Ivan had access to alcohol? What the heck was he up to in the hospital--drinking and partying?

It just didn't make any sense.

Roderich kneaded his forehead, debating his next course of action, then rose and headed back to Ivan's room, tray of instruments in hand.

"Your diagnosis isn't yet conclusive," he told him. "I'm going to need some more samples--specifically, a swab of your genital region and some cerebral spinal fluid to check for herpes virus."

With that, he lifted a thick cotton swab from where it sat on the tray beside a long, thin, wicked-looking needle.

(And then I take weeks to get back to you. Sorry about that. XD;)

Ivan felt a giggle in the back of his thoat, but held it there, as Dr Edelstein listed off his results. Well wasn't this fun! He didn't know how lucky he'd gotten with that patient of his, as well as the darn doctor, who he noticed with vague amusement, that had been avoiding Ivan. Probably a wise choice too... Not that Ivan really had anything more to do with him.

Ah, here's what he was waiting for. The next test in line, and it involved a big... giant... Oh fuck.

The hidden giggle in the back of his throat turned towards the more hysterical side. W-Well... Ivan had worse. Heck, he'd been hit by a car, the whole reason he was sent here and he never once shed a tear. And it wasn't exactly like Dr Edelstein was going to just stick it in without practiced care... He may not like Ivan, but that'd make him a bad doctor... Surely, he should just retake the other tests? They were kind of fun for Ivan. And then he wouldn't have to face... That thing. It was intimidating... Wait, was he going to recieve the swab first? That, he was fine with, he had a plan to do with that one; Watch how Dr Edelstein did it, then do the same thing to another patient and swap the samples, easy as that. But...

It looked like he was going to just have to man up and take the needle like a true Russian. But... Oh god... Did he have to? Just looking at it felt painful. "I-I see..." He eventually spoke. "Out of curiosity, is it you who'll be sticking that thing in me? Or will it be some sort of, I don't know, surgeon. Or nurse. Or something... Also, can I have someone I'm not familiar with do the genital swabbing thing? I think that would be, ah, preferable." Quite. "And would I be getting something to make the needle... Ah, not hurt?" Even if he was allowed something, the needle was still scary. "Or better yet, can I hold Matvey Williams' hand? Or would he not be allowed there?" Or would Ivan prefer for Matthew not to know about what he was doing? Damn, this was awkward.

(( Why do I write all my threads in the middle of the night? This thing must be rather mistake filled. If it is, sorry~ ))

"The swab is very quick," Roderich informed him. "There isn't any reason to be uncomfortable."

To emphasize that point, he put on his best straight-faced, thin-lipped expression of seriousness. He of all people certainly wasn't going to invite any awkward connotations to any procedure involving genitals. (Unlike, he imagined, that nurse Francis. The thought of him doing such a procedure was slightly horrifying.) Roderich's work was just that to him, after all--work. He had a disease to diagnose and he wasn't going to complicate things with inappropriateness.

Work though it was, he did have to be tactful in situations like this. Ivan wasn't one he'd expected to be intimidated by a needle, but he had known that needle to frighten patients well-used to IVs and blood tests before, so he supposed Ivan's reaction wasn't all that unusual.

"Yes, of course. I'll give you a local anesthetic so you will feel very little." The anesthetic, incidentally, was in a syringe on the tray, but perhaps it'd be best if he left mention of another needle out of the picture for the moment. "I've done this procedure many times before, so you needn't worry."

He wasn't entirely sure who that Williams was--another patient Ivan had taken to stalking about, he assumed. Which meant he probably wasn't allowed in here.

"I could get one of the nurses to hold your hand if you'd like," he offered, sighing.

There was an itching, tickling feeling in Ivan's nose while Dr Edelstein talked. It made his nose twitch slightly before Ivan pushed down the feeling and ignored it. A local anesthetic? That wasn't in Ivan's mental dictionary... But it was something good, he assumed, otherwise the Doctor wouldn't be saying it in what Ivan supposed he could call a reassuring tone. His words, Ivan supposed, did make Ivan feel a little better... Ivan looked at the needle in Roderich's hand. It didn't get any less intimidating the more he looked at it...

There was a tray with stuff in it, and Ivan didn't want to question what it was, but curiosity was creeping into his mind. Oh, and the tickle in his nose was back, and Ivan had to blink a few times, his eyes nearly watering somewhat... "I don't want one of those smelly nurses to hold my hand. I don't want anyone to hold my hand. I don't want to have that needle stuck in me at all. But if I must, I'll do it with no one else l-looking..." The back of his hand raised to rub his nose. What an awful feeling... It was getting stronger too, which caused him to stutter in his sentence. "E-Except Matvey... I don't mind if he's..."

Ooohh, Ivan knew the feeling now. He breathed in sharply and turned his head towards the needle before sneezing all over it and Dr Edelstein's hand. Then he sneezed again. "Ah... Much better..." He wiped his nose with his hand and went back to smiling pleasantly. "My apologies. Something must have irritated my nose. Ahahaha~" It was funny, in Ivan's mind, at least. He'd managed to delay getting poked with the large needle anyway.

(( I was giggling the whole time I was writing this... ^ ^; *Pokes* And when you can, jump into the chatbox. I wait around for aaaaages for someone to show up there. ))

It took all of Roderich's self-control and carefully cultivated bedside manner not to shoot Ivan a look of immense dislike. He looked from Ivan to the needle and back again, breathing in deep, calming breaths before heading over to the attached bathroom with a muttered, "One moment."

The needle was a lost cause; he tossed it into one of the biohazard containers. Then, stripping off the gloves he'd been wearing and throwing them away, he went through his ridiculously thorough handwashing regimen, making sure to get beneath the nails and around the base of each finger and even halfway up his forearms--wherever droplets of Ivan's saliva and mucus could've landed. That accomplished, he shut off the faucet with a piece of paper towel (the fact that many of the rooms had sinks with traditional taps rather than foot pedal or automatic mechanisms was one of the plethora of things he'd complained about to the administration), dried his hands, and went back to briefly address Ivan.

"When you sneeze or cough, try to do it like this," he said, placing the crook of his arm over his mouth and giving a demonstrative little cough. "Anyway, I need to get a new needle. I'll be back in a few moments."

He headed briskly from the room, and, anticipating that Ivan might try to escape from the impending procedure or otherwise mess with the items left on the tray, he stopped a passing nurse and urged her in a hissed whisper to keep an eye on Ivan. Being not otherwise occupied, she just nodded, looking mildly confused as Roderich walked off.

Ivan watched with amusement as Dr Edelstein's face seemed to twitch with an internal battle. Obviously Ivan was very successful in aggivating Dr Edelstein again! But how could he get Dr Edelstein more angry? Looking around, there didn't seem to be anything in range. But there were a few things which struck him as interesting, like a pair of scissors and a couple of bottles of food colouring. What they were doing there, Ivan didn't know, but that didn't matter. He waited for Dr Edelstein's return with an innocent smile on his face. Dr Edelstein was telling Ivan how to sneeze properly, apparently he should sneeze into the crook of his arm. Ivan could do that, no problem... Not that he thought he'd put it into use.

He watched the Doctor walk away and smirked when a Nurse was sent to look after him. "Um, Nurse..." He grabbed her attention, "I need to use the bathroom, if you could wheel me over there, I won't have any problems with doing the deed." Of course the Nurse obliged, she had to. So once Ivan was alone, he stopped - because he seriously did need to relieve himself - and observed the contents of the toilet. Well, that was an opportunity for messing around. Pulling the the suddenly convenient food colouring out of his wheelchair pouch, Ivan uncapped the green one and poured the whole contents into the bowl. Ah, there was a good colour.. But not good enough. He uncapped the red one and poured that in.

The effect was instantanious. The green met with the red in places and formed a strange, dark colour. It wasn't quite brown, and it wasn't quite grey. It was somewhere in between. Ivan looked around for something to stir the food colouring in and found a toilet brush. That would do! Ivan stuck it in the bowl and stirred up the water until it was quite the disgusting colour. Pulling the brush out, a little bit of it dripped onto the floor. It smelled terrible! Ivan wrinkled his nose and backed away from the splashes, putting the brush back in its rightful place. He washed his hands and rolled back out. He waited for Dr Edelstein's return by the door, and sure enough, he saw the man coming down the corridor. When he was close enough, Ivan spoke up, "Dr Edelstein! I stopped to use the lavatory and it's come out an odd colour!"

(( Note that when Roderich goes itno the bathroom, Ivan'll follow close behind him ))

Oh geez. It was just one thing after another with Ivan today, wasn't it? Muttering something under his breath, Roderich set the new needle down and duly followed Ivan into the bathroom.

He'd expected something red, perhaps, or dilute and light pink. But what he saw was something that was a strange brownish-bluish color--yes, blue. What the heck caused blue urine? He racked his brain--there were a few medications that could, weren't there?

"Excuse me," he said, stepping out and snatching Ivan's chart. He scanned the list of drugs Ivan was currently taking, but he couldn't recall any of them having such a side effect. Honestly, he could think of medications that caused urine to turn dark orange or generally murky, but...

"One minute," he snapped, giving Ivan a look that ordered him to stay put where he was. "Just--one minute."

He strode out again, passing the same nurse from before (who stared after him in confusion as he just made a frustrated noise and pointed back at Ivan's room) and heading from the ward. Once he was safely past the signs that forbid cell phone use because of the patients hooked up to telemetric monitors, he pulled out his phone, went online to a diagnostic database and looked up urine coloration. Ah, there were a few medications that could turn urine blue--but none were ones Ivan was taking. There were some ones for urinary pain, but Ivan hadn't complained of that kind of pain. There was a general analgesic, but Ivan was taking something else for the pain of his injuries. There was one for depression, one for heartburn...

Three minutes later, he came back into Ivan's room, thoroughly ticked off, and demanded, "How many medications are you taking right now?"

Ivan trailed closely behind Dr Edelstein as he inspected Ivan's not-pee. It was funny, really. Ivan felt like, instead of pulling a prank on Dr Edelstein, he was testing the other to see how well he could diagnose Ivan and his strange symptoms. But that didn't make it any less fun of course! It was quite amuzing, seeing his reactions each time. "Da." He moved out Dr Edelstein's way as he requested and watched him read something or other on that piece of paper on the clipboard which lives on the end of Ivan's bed. Ivan didn't know it actually had anything useful in it. "Da". He nodded, supplying Dr Edelstein with "Just-- one minute" to figure something out. All the time he had to stop his facial expression from slipping or letting a laugh out. Then, so suddenly, he left again. What a character.

Ivan fiddled with his hospital gown and thought about what he would do about the needle problem. It was the only problem which niggled at his mind, and he needed to eliminate it. He hated needles. He got rid of that stupid IV as soon as he could when he first arrived in the hospital. And then there were all the other needles which were jabbed at him, they made him flinch, as much as he hated to admit it. But nothing topped that huge needle which would be jammed into a body part he was quite fond of. Well, he was fond of all of them, but he was sure he could spare losing a toe or an ear or something. He didn't much fancy, however, losing use of his spinal chord. That would be bad.

Ivan's thoughts were blown out of his head when Dr Edelstein practically stormed back and shot him a question. "How many? I believe I'm taking the amount of medication the nurses give me. I do not often pay attention, but I do not believe it is many. Nor am I very fond of English numbers. I keep forgetting them." It was true, Ivan found it hard to grasp the English numbers for some reason. One would have thought that learning the alphabet would have been harder, but Ivan found that a breeze. Perhaps it was because his sister had taught it to him- taught both the Russian and English alphabet to him and his little sister. Anyway, off topic again.

"I thought my piece of paper on there," He pointed to the clipboard attatched to the bed, "would help supply your answer. I assure you I am not taking any extra medication. Lord knows even one is far too many to be taking," He huffed. Stupid medication.

Roderich seized the clipboard, glancing it over--as he'd expected, Ivan's medication regimen hadn't changed, at least as far as his written records were concerned. He muttered something incoherent to himself, looking beneath the top sheet and finding no new medications listed there either.

It had to be a side effect of some drug. Blue urine was not something that showed up as a symptom to any disorder Ivan might have--it had to be the result of a dye introduced into the body. Perhaps a nurse had mislabeled something. Perhaps another doctor--as Ivan wasn't just Roderich's patient, but had a few other individuals attending to his more obvious injuries as well--had given Ivan something and failed to write it down. There were many possibilities and all of them filled Roderich with indignation. This was the kind of nonsense that got patients killed! This sort of incompetence was completely unacceptable!

He had to speak to someone about this.

"You're mainly under Dr. Honda's care right now? I'm going to have to have a word with him." He barely knew the doctor in question, but he was definitely going to track him down and let him know what was going on.

Right now, though, he did still have tests to run. Any of those drugs Ivan might've possibly had shouldn't affect the results, so...

"Here," he said. "We'll do the genital swab first, then the lumbar puncture. I'll go quickly and use lots of anesthetic for the latter, and you can keep your eyes closed so you won't have to see any of it. I know it looks like it'll hurt badly, but it won't. I promise."

With luck, Ivan wouldn't complicate things this time around. Roderich picked up the swab, pulled on his bed curtains to offer some privacy, and gestured to him to lift his gown.

Ivan let Dr Edelstein ramble on about medication and other things, with the occasional mention of that other Doctor that Ivan sees around, and is apparently 'his' Doctor... Which was probably true, now that Ivan thought about it, because he seemed to be having trouble remembering things and that was probably one of them... He continued to watch the other get increasingly frustrated. It was funny; maybe he'd pop a vein in his neck or something.

But the fun soon ended when it got to the actual treatment. Ivan was going to have the swab first. Okay, he could do that. Even though he was starting to feel rather bashful about it. Which was strange, but Ivan supposed he'd have to put up with it. However, he didn't think he could put up with the "Lumbar puncture" Or whatever it was called. He didn't think he could handle the thought of something like that going somewhere so important...

He slowly moved his arms when directed, and curled his fists around the edges of his hospital gown and slowly lifted. His face heated up, and he instinctively curled up to shield himself from the other, scowling. "About the lumbar thing... I want to refuse it. Or refuse treatment. I can do that... I think..." He should be able to at least. He didn't care how much the Doctor claimed how painless it would be, the more he thought about it, the more he freaked out internally. So this was the best option.

Oh, geez. Not this nonsense. Usually Roderich only had to put up with such resistance when trying stranger, experimental treatments. His first instinct was to respond angrily, declaring that he was trying to save Ivan's life and wouldn't tolerate any more wasting of his time, but he caught himself before the words left his mouth. Breathing deeply, he forced himself to assume a more gentle tone, reminding himself that Ivan was a head injury patient with little prior hospital experience, someone he shouldn't expect to be completely rational.

"Let me explain a bit better why the lumbar puncture is necessary. Your urine tested positive for herpes. You didn't have any obvious lesions, but you complained of feeling numbness and tingling, which can indicate the onset of infection. There's some pretty nasty complications that can result from the infection progressing, including inflammation or swelling of the brain. Because you already suffered a concussion, I'm concerned that the virus might have increased opportunity to move to your brain. The puncture will help me determine how far the virus has spread and whether to prescribe anything to treat it."

He sighed. "I know it seems like a painful and dangerous test. It won't be. The most that might happen afterwards is you might have a headache or feel some soreness once the anesthesia wears off. I'll just have you turn on your side and close your eyes and if you want I can talk to you to keep your mind off of things. Or hum you a song, or something. Whatever you want."

With that, he bent and quickly swabbed Ivan's genitals, depositing the swab in a plastic bag and managing a slight, hopefully encouraging smile. "Done with that part. All right, now--you can do this. Trust me."

Ivan listened to Dr Edelstein's ramblings and sighed. He'd gotten himself into his and he'd just have to deal with it, he supposed. so he slowly, yet obediently lay on his side. Perhaps this whole trick was a bad idea... He sort of regretted it in the first place... Well, he knew that he wouldn't be doing it again at least. But he couldn't tell Dr Edelstein that he was winding the other up either... His head hurt so much, damn...

He shut his eyes and decided to let Dr Edelstein whatever he liked, and be done with it. Soon it'd all blow over and... "I feel dizzy..." He mumbled, rubbing the bridge of his nose in irritation. The sort of dizzy which usually resulted him in blacking out and waking up without remembering what had just happened. One day he'd work out what triggered the damn black outs, and maybe he'd be able to prevent them. Or perhaps they'll go away. You never know.

And then he fainted.

Upon noticing that Ivan had passed out, Roderich did something rare--he outright swore under his breath.

His free hand briefly clenching into a fist, he glanced at the monitors Ivan was hooked up to, just to make sure the faint wasn't caused by anything serious. Nope--looked like vasovagal syncope. He set the bag aside and turned Ivan onto his back, lifting his legs to assist the blood flow to his brain.

Once Ivan started coming to, unwilling to wait any longer, Roderich shifted him onto his side again--which was slightly difficult, considering how huge he was--and went for the anesthetic, plunging the little syringe full of it into Ivan's back. He injected it in record time, crossing over and setting it back on the tray.

"Okay," he huffed, seating himself on the edge of the bed with the lumbar puncture needle as he waited the moments it took for the anesthetic to kick in. "Mr. Braginski. I want you to keep your eyes shut, take deep breaths, relax, try not to get worked up. Don't think about what's going on, just listen to me. What kind of songs do you like? I'll sing you a song. Music always helps calm me down..."